view member journals

I think that i am officially going insane. I CANNOT like will again, especially not this much. He is seriously driving me insane!!!!!!!!�my heart is starting to race when i think about him, this is not good!!!!!�argh! what do i do??????? i'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, but RIGHT NOW, i'm extremely happy. because he's making me happy. and idk what to do about it because i dont wanna tell him how i feel about him, and i dont want this tri to end because i probably will barely see him like at all next tri, i didn't see him at all first tri except for youth group. this is gonna suck. i think that will will always have a place in my heart, especially because he was my first love, and i dont think that you can ever truely get over that. well, i'm happy that i'm happy but i'm also scared...

everytime,

i feel fine,

comfortable if you will,

you some how make me ill.

over and over i break,

over and over i hate,

over and over,

it's my mistake.

over and over,

It's my fault.

now im looking up,

the sky seems so full of lust.

over and over i am dead,

over and over bright red tears are bled.

over and over im stuck way up high,

over and over i am ready to die.

so now that� it's over my head.

i must turn my self up and in to the lord.

to protect this shattered heart.

keep the broken pieces still beating,

and never ever leave me.

see over and over,

man will hurt,

but over and over GOD proves his work.

over and over,

we shatter and break,

over and over THE GOOD LORD,

is our every� comfort.�

so please don't cry.

wipe those tearfs from said eyes.

and turn your head to the sky,

Im like the titanic, slowly sinking into the cold dark water.

Submerged into the inky black cloke with no where to go.

The only difference is that Im drowning in the memories.

I run so that no one can feel the pain inside of me.

But no matter how fast I run, the memories catch up.

Keeping me as their prisoner and slowly drowning me inside of them.

Its like a�prison inside my head.

The only thing that keeps me from giving up is knowing one day I'll foreget.

-Sportygirl15

it seems like i'm getting everything that i could possibly want, but i just cannot seem to be happy. i mean like, today i got taco bell, aim, and a computer, i have this guy kiss me, who alot of other girls would die to kiss, and i have a ton of friends. but i'm just not being satisfied. i'm not sure what i should do. i'm really scared though because i really like will, and i think that's what's somewhat making me uncontent, because i really just want a boy that will make me happy and not just use me, because alex is so not worth it, but what if i actually fall in love with will again? what should i do? because for all i know, he'll put what happened to us in the past in the way of what could be happening between us now. what if he askes me to the dance? but i doubt that that will happen. and it just seems like i want that to happen so bad. but i just can't get out how i'm feeling at the moment though. i mean,�i really want to get over alex because he is�so not worth it, and i�really want to fall for will, because i believe that i can, but i dont think that my heart is going to let me at the moment, because i dont know what this outcome will be and i know how much he can hurt me. everything will be so less complex if i just get over alex. i think that i should just try as hard as i can to get over him. it's just not worth it anymore. and i miss my best friend. but i dont know how i'll ever be able to get her back. and there's no way anytime soon. i'm just hoping that if i ever need her, she will be there. because of everything that we've been trhough. i'm just sick of not being content with what i have.

what should i do?

This is the 1st day live without u....u fly yesterday.....to a place tat i have never been to......

For the whole night......tears drops n thoughts r full on my mind......

when the morning i wake up, i saw ur message in msn......i am really regret tat i wake up late.......

This day is holiday, i no nid to work.......but wat can i do?

without u.......i just dunno wat can i do......just thinking about u.......

i see all te photos u took with me, ever faces of urs r stuck in my mind......

i read all the jounals u wrote to me n every journal i wrote when i knew u......

feeling time flew, one years just pass tat easily.......

the time we having bad feelings, arguement.......everything...............

i just cant stop thinking about u........

i should be strong........stop staring ur photos without doing anything.........

baby, tonight i will go out yam cha with my kor n my kor new girlfriend.......this is the 1st step i try to be strong......to start a world without u........no......not without u..........is to start the world of being "独立"

不再依赖你在身边的日子。我会活得好好的，也会很小心。

吾爱。心